Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
