I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
