The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
