It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
