in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
