Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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