I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
