can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
