Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I could fuck to npr.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
