the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
