Where are you?
In a non slutty way
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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