all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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