i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
