will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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