Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
