Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
