I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Houston, we have a blender
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
