the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
