We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing