brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
