Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Text me some of your sweat
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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