she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
