best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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