I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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