My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
