So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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