Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
