You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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