can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
