I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
