I am spending my child support on dildos
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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