Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
