Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
