I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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