dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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