I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
