At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
