Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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