Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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