if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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