I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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