youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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