When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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