I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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