have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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