you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
