i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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