i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
