i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
