the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
