I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
