At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
