I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
