Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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