Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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