Betty ford says i'm here all night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
