Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
