I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
