Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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