So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drake has all the answers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
