Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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