im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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