Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
