I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
