I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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