Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
