Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Help. Why am I so naked?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
